Tied Together and Triple Knotted

As I watched the sales floor at work, I had a careless thought that turned straight genius on me. I want my life to be sole tied to beauty. This would mean that I would have to really know beauty in order to sustain it in my life. My soul does not need to be tied to things that are not beautiful.

You're going to ask me, you're going to say, "What about things that are not beautiful? Not all of life is beautiful."

I have to offer myself to a world that is moderate, hurting, and straight disgraceful (of course I do), but my soul does not have to be interlaced into it.

Let me offer you an example:

Relationships.

SHOOT. darnit! I did it. I took an oath when I started this blog to never (never never) spill on relationships. I hereby unpleadge myself out of that promise (but just for this post and this post only).

Now, when I say relationships, don't assume I just mean Mr. & Mrs (Or the attempt to become one of the two) For I do not.

I want my relationships to be beautiful.

I can attest to relationships that are not as beautiful. I have actually been un legally wedded in my heart to more than a couple. For the sake of any uncertainty, I will double express your thoughts away from romantic relationships. I do not demand regret on the past. I just wish I could have set myself up for better safety.

God is considerate. You know? Even though I've hurt and been hurt, I've strived to be forgiven and once again, happy (beautiful). I can't carry what I've done forever. I can't dwell on what's happened to me. By the grace that God bestowed upon me I was pulled out of a pool of drowning tears. Forgave, Forgiven, Beautiful.

I'm having a hard time transitioning in my writing from unhealthy sould ties to the healthiest God given ones. So, while i scratch my head over my next move, bear with the scratchy transition.

My Mom and Dad are the most soul tied God loving holy wonderful relationships that I have and will ever have in my life. I will always love and respect both of them to the very ends of the earth. How do you repay parents that raise you under the love and covering of God. I don't know that you ever can until you have your own kids, and you become the same for them. Isn't that the sweetest cycle? 

My Sisters. Ok, here we go... first of all, I am so proud of the both of them. They have become the most significant, important people. They play such huge roles, and they do it so skillfully.

Kaitlyn, the oldest. The sweet little housewife and momma. So tender and caring, loving and creative. No one can match her role, because it's her own creation. She has made herself the most beautiful sister, mother, daughter, youth pastor, worship leader, church serving wife that loves the Lord. What a beautiful women. The relationship I have with her and her wonderful husband, Travis is precious and forever. 

Kasi, the youngest. The one that just swore herself into the air force. This girl is ridiculous. What a bold sweet women. Watch out world, there will be a flood of tears the moment she gets assigned (my poor mother) Her hugs are also quite anointed. If you want a hug from God, hug her.

I want both of my sweet nieces to know every single day, how much i love them. There should never to be any question in their heart, for dear God, I do love their cute little baby faces. Everything about the both of them. Here's a video I had of bethany watching barney on my computer. I could watch it over and over and over and over.

How the heck am I suppose to write something about my little brother, Joseph. I don't have the skills. 

This kid is responsible for more than half the smiles I have ever had. There's a never ending great debate between the two of us: Which movie is better: "Star Wars" or "You've got mail"? I know it's obvious to all of us that you've got mail beats the movie to its grave but nevertheless, Joseph will battle for its great name.

God was so sweet to me when he sent me Erica. She's such a close friend.  but, really. Seriously the most entertaining person I have ever met. i am telling you, this girl performs me to tears. Will I ever meet anyone that I can laugh with the way I laugh with her? Nope, because she's the funniest person in the world. I moved away from my family and she filled a really sad gap. I'm still sad, but not as sad. She knows my deepest darkest most awful and most wonderful secrets. What a blessing.

I must note that my grandparents and aunts and uncles and my sweet church family/friends are absolutely irreplaceable.

mostly though, these relationships are the one's that are lasting. you know what? they are all so beautifully placed by the hand of God. and that's why it works. so the only thing I am teaching myself:

I must be a friend to everybody (I LOVE EVERYONE!). Please don't misinterpret. Of course I do. But God gives us those consistent ones, the ones he wants us to be closer than close to.

these people I've secured myself to 

and the thing about it is

It's beautiful

God winked at me

God's purpose in providing and bestowing the prophetic gift is clearly to re-establish and maintain communication with man. I don't wish to dissect every detail there is on prophesy, I just want to praise God that He chooses to communicate with us.

I went home for a conference about three months ago. My parents pastor the most beautiful church, full of precious people that are kind and completely full of love. Don't you love those kinds of people?
Anyway, they held a conference were Sandie and Mickie Freed (who are absolutely the most beautiful and respectable couple that honor God with their lives)  came and spoke. I cannot write about how powerfully the Holy Spirit moved during that weekend. Although, I can give you great phrases and words that will spark your imagination:
peacefully, comfortably, in control but not under control,  beyond the grasp of my human mind, encouraging, the spirit of knowledge and sound mind, Takes away fear and enables rational thought, Removes spiritual blindness, reveals spiritual truth,and communicates the content of truth...

I had the most emotional and beautiful connection with God just by listening to people (I knew) hear from the Lord from this couple. If you asked me how real it was, I could write and write and write and never stop. Let me just say, God is real.

Let me set the scene up for you. If pastors Sandie and Mickey (who have willingly put themselves under God's control) felt like they had a word from the Lord for somebody, they would stop what they were doing (most cases, preaching)  and give it. I was brought to tears as I watched people I know  be brought to tears as they received revelation and hope for their lives through people that have never even met nor talked to them. 

Now, I'm on the piano, playing some soft background music (so the holy spirit can move...kidding)
and they call me out. I hate to say this but I didn't really intently listen. I tried, but was a bit distracted with the flow of the music. AWFUL

Now, Finally, let me bring you back to today's date. I've been struggling with just about everything they had encouraged me about and I didn't even remember what God had said to me (mainly because  I didn't process it in the first place)

I got a text from my dad while I was at work that said "check your email" so I did and it was the recording of what God had said to me three months ago. RIGHT ON TIME.

I was in the break room when I listened to the podcast. It is so evident that God is faithful. Everything I had been doubting and wondering and stressing just began to be release off of me as the promises of God were spoken to me over my muffled phone speakers. It's almost as if God was winking at me. Like a sweet, "I've got you." I'm so thankful that he was willing to remind me even when I wasn't willing to listen the first time.

God helped me. The Holy Spirit- My helper. Here it is, my testimony for today. Take it as your own.

Love & Respect

"Let us all know that our sufficiency is in Christ, our acceptance, security and significance comes through Christ. It's not about me, it's all about Him therefore it becomes It's not about me it's about them.

Yes, there will be times when you will fail, but Prov. 24:16 says, "A righteous man falls seven times, and rises again." Nobody can love perfectly and no one can respect perfectly. However, when we do this as unto Christ, we may fall but we can get back up.

In the Ultimate sense, your relationships have nothing to do with who you are in relationship to. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ."

Storybook

I found Author Elizabeth Owen tonight. I really want to read My (not) so storybook life. Here is part of the description from amazon.com. (Can't wait to but and read!)

fresh, funny and poignant, my (not so) storybook life is old-fashioned humor mashed with literary spoofery. elizabeth thinks of herself and her husband, matt, as a modern day lucy and ricky ricardo. together they've endured paint-color mishaps, sewage disasters, pest infestations, and a schnauzer that poops at tornado sirens. it was hardly the domestic perfection a young liz imagined while reading anne of green gables and pride and prejudice. could it be that these literary stalwarts had led her astray?
liz tells the story of her own path to happiness, along the way seeking revenge on her literary heroes: jo march, elizabeth bennett, and anne shirley.

Business

Every time I'm at work, I randomly see this one guy. I started noticing how constant is was becoming after a while. I don't have a creepy crush on him or anything, it's not like that, but I just thought it was so bizarre that I always seemed to see him when I was at work. Were we destined to meet each other? Well No, I don't believe God had anything in mind. There was nothing serendipitous about it because he works at the mall too. Today, I realized that the reason he was always there at the same time as me is because he is also, a mall employee. I'm pretty busy right now (makes me disoriented) so I’m not even gonna try to process how I overlooked his khakis and Verizon shirt for 2 weeks, or the fact that I could possibly be mentally retarded. How am going to make it to and through adulthood?

 

I actually do love this job. LOVE IT! I work with the sweetest girls ever (ever)

Just when I think I'm making strides as an adult...

WHAT CHILD HAS FEET THIS BIG! (FINE, I have small feet)

Instagram Update

The Frank Theory

I spend a disproportionate amount of time watching You've Got Mail.
(FatNatRat)
I was watching it shyly on my computer during my bio lab and I started to think about Frank.
Am I the Frank? Are you the Frank? Poor Frank.
I completely adore his character. Everything about him, that nut in the observer.

Shall we review?

1. He get obsessed with random things.

Frank: I... can't help myself.

Electric typewriters? Frank: The gentle, soothing lullaby of a piece of machinery so perfect...

2. He concocts bizarre theories about things of very little significance.

Frank: Name me one thing, ONE, that we've gained from technology.

Kathleen: Electricity

Frank: That's one. [points to computer] You think this machine is your friend but it's not.

Frank: Absolutely. They buy leather jackets for much more than they're worth. But they don't fall in love with fascist dictators!

Frank: Kathleen, you are a lone reed. You are a lone reed, standing tall, waving boldly in the corrupt sands of commerce.

3. He's quick

Frank: The inventor of the superstore, of course. The enemy of the mid-list novel, the destroyer of City Books. Tell me something: really, how do you sleep at night?

Frank: A HOTDOG is singing. You need quiet while a hotdog is singing?

and yet . . .

in the end, frank gets dumped. don't think i haven't thought about this. Frank gets dumped, and while we're on the subject, kathleen never fully appreciates him. why is that? why doesn't kathleen love him? i am always wondering this. frank does such a wonderful job being that horn all forlorn! what is he missing here??

He's missing the NY152 charm.  The one she's always wondering about. She turns on her computer, waits impatiently as it connects. She goes online, and her breath catches in her chest until she hears three little words: You've got mail. She hears nothing. Not even a sound on the streets of New York, just the beating of her own heart. She has mail. From you.

And we all wanted it to be Joe Fox. We all wanted it so badly.

A little trip around the city, and in my soul too.

I here now claim every Saturday to myself. Is that selfish? So then I don't. Today though, was the most wonderful one. I've been trying to battle off a very silly case of the funks. it's sillier than silly and yet i seriously have not been able. to. shake it. But, today helped a whole sweet bunch.

First of all, I went to Starbucks three times today...Oh shoot I'm in love with it. I know it's more tasteful to be a local coffee supporter, but I am absolutely the biggest fan of the franchise that is single handily charging way to much for one cup of coffee. I'm afraid that will most likely remain constant.
A few weeks ago (months ago?) one of the girlfriends suggested the sweetest coconut chewy chocolate ever from Russel Stover. I really didn't think twice about it before today.
So Leslie, this is for you. On my last Starbucks run I stopped by Russell Stover in Utica. I picked up some of it, ate it and...didn't really love it but hated it. It was too too too too sweet for me to handle. & it didn't melt very fast. I'm not a chewer of chocolate, AS FOR ME AND MY HOUSEHOLD (myself) we (I) let it melt.
Then, I crossed over to a garden show that was being torn down. I got sad that I wasted all the time at Russell Stover (Thanks Alot Les) and then saw a greenhouse and got over the silent rant in my head.
Sometimes (most times) when I'm by myself, I really don't do a whole lot but people watch. It's creepy, I'm creepy. I walked around the park and watched all the prom girl jump in the air in unison for pictures. I never went to prom. I never jumped in the air (kidding).

And then I walked into all the top dollar shops and got overwhelmed by the prices. Also, I felt about as cute as a homeless puppy (puppy?) so then I got in my car and drove back to my room.

Well, I'm locked out, sitting in the alcove blogging, trying to talk myself into stopping & going all the way back out to my car to get my key (did you know you burn 167654 extra calories when you walk to the upper lot from claudius)

I really loved today. May there always be 5 extra lbs of chocolate, cookies and Starbucks, garden shows, and vintage shops waiting for me, should I wish to recreate it.

Anthropologie Mood

Anthropologie is a mood changer! I am the happiest when I walk in and the saddest when I walk out. Every single detail is perfect, and they make it look so effortless. I went in today, thought about applying for a clothing loan, and then really focused on all of the intricate details of all their displays. Absolutely, so incredibly, sweet and eclectic. So, when I got back to my room, I looked up some of their displays worldwide. Do you ever get so happy you could cry? Well...

Proverbs 3:5

As always (always always), my God was there. I felt like He was so far away from me, hiding from everything I got myself stuck in. I found Him absent, and that is the very thing that made me need Him more. He wasn't absent from me, I became absent from Him.
"I take my heart and willingly rip it open
for I only want to cling to you
I don't want to cling to another
I've been chased by all those other loves
and I've forgotten you
and I confess
I need You"
The work I do here, The life I live now, Is the one you fought for. I feel so blessed to have it because I had to struggle for it, but you struggled much more.This crazy little life of busyness is the one I pleaded You would give me. You allowed me the time to discover how very much i wanted it. And in that time, I became so aware of how trustworthy You are. It was so personal, that it made me the person I am.

those horrible days
the ones you literally had to drag me through

I Am grateful for those days
I am grateful for every horrible moment of them

My heart is happy because you saved me

1&2&3&4

1. Here she is. My sweet sister's baby Joy Renee. I haven't met her yet, but I cannot wait.

2. Hair

 3. A snack aaannndd A DRINK

4. My Boy <3



Reedeming Love

“As gentle a man as he was, as tender as was his heart, there was nothing weak about Michael Hosea. He was the strongest-minded man Joseph had ever met. A Man like Noah. A Man like the Shepherd-king David. A man after God's own heart.”
― Reedeming Love