Slow Going

People of the Internet!!! It has finally happened. This is my first official morning off.

Modern family, Pawn Stars, and the Duggar family

I go home in two days. TWO DAYS!

Well, I have two options:

My last day of work is Wednesday. I get off at 2.

So I can leave Wednesday and get home around 10

or leave Thursday, and take my time packing

But I am telling you, I will most likely leave Wednesday

I gotta meet that new baby

Anyway, home with Robin and Lexie as of now.

Taylor is at school

Erica is in Japan

GOOD MORNING PUP

Pearl Jam

Mother's Day

About a week ago, Dad called me while he was at work and asked me to write a couple thing for mother’s day. It was a phone call that went kind of like this...


Dad: "Hey, can you do a poem/story/write something/or whatever for church on Mother's day morning? A customer walked in...uhhh... gotta go...click"

So basically, he requested and just expected, not very sportsman like, not fair at all!

Wait. Wait. I shouldn't make it sound like I minded all that much; I didn't mind puting something together for Mom but for the church? That makes me very nervous. Well, not nervous, but maybe a little bit concerned (It's not the same thing). How do I write something to the "public of mothers" but make it personal to each. Why can't he just Google this?...that's not what he wants. Again, unsportsmanlike! So because of this I've stalled this project for a while, but the deadline is here. So, I'm going to try to please both sides of the argument and just make two little poem/story/write something/or whatevers. Something personally to mom and something public.

 So I grabbed some tea, my computer and decided I would get this done. After a while of collaborating with my sisters and looking at different templates from online and reading a few other blogs, I have two finals! You will obviously realize that our personal one to mom is first then the impersonal/personal (whatever) one is last. I also put up some of the cutest pictures ever that I found on my computer for an extra "awwww" I LOVE MY FAMILY! Hope this all works. Ok, now I'm nervous and concerned.

My favorite picture ever. Baby me and momma

Before you read poem/story/write something/or whatever #1 Here's some background info for those of you who have no ideas about my family. My little brother is Joseph. He is about to be 11...10 years younger than me. He's my favorite sibling (fine, no he's not)

Kasi- my younger sister.
Kaitlyn- my older one. Married with the cutest babies ever in the wide world.

Poem/story/write something/or whatever #1

Being Joseph Dugger’s mother means knowing how to listen very carefully when he has something he wants to talk about, because Joseph Dugger’s mother knows how important it is that he feels "heard." Being Joseph Dugger’s mother means knowing to check the back of his drawer for his fancy Sunday pants before assuming they are lost, because Joseph Dugger’s mother knows that the back of his drawer is where he hides his fancy Sunday pants hoping they will never be found. Being Joseph Dugger's mother means knowing that he does not like any kind of ice cream except for chococlate chocolate chocolate (chocolate), and making sure he doesn't consume so much of it that he makes himself nauseated, because Joseph Dugger's mother knows that the boy has undeniably no willpower where chocolate is concerned.

Being Kasi Dugger's mother is knowing that when she doesn't have the appropriate amount of family/love time she doesn't function at all.Being Kasi Dugger’s mother means knowing to keep bottled water in the house for her because she knows that sink water is not near appropriate. Being Kasi Dugger’s mother means knowing that when someone erases an American Idol off of DVR she gets sad so Kasi Dugger’s mother makes sure to lock all of the American Idols on DVR so nobody can erase them before she sees them. Being Kasi Dugger's mother means knowing to let Kasi Dugger sleep before wasting energy fixing her sour mood, because Kasi Dugger's mother knows that sleep is required before she will submit to a good mood.

Being Kali Dugger’s mother means knowing when she really misses home and knowing that when she needs an extra hour to talk on the phone, SHE NEEDS THAT EXTRA HOUR. Being Kali Dugger’s mother means knowing to stock up on at least a dozen extra bananas when she visits because she l-o-v-e-s them. Being Kali Dugger's mother means knowing she prefers skim milk over 2% so Kali Dugger's mother will buy an extra half gallon of skim while everyone else drinks 2%.

Being Kaitlyn Day’s mother means knowing when she needs a date night with her husband because Kaitlyn Day's mother is always ready to be the babysitter on hand, at all times. Being Kaitlyn Day's mother means knowing to save New York and Company coupons she gets in the mail so she can buy her clothes when she needs them. Being Kaitlyn Day's mother means knowing when it's appropriate to say "I completely understand" when Kaitlyn Day calls on the phone just to vent.

Anybody can be a mother but it takes one special person to be Joseph, Kasi, Kali and Kaitlyn Dugger's mother. Because being our mother means knowing us each specifically, and doing these things for us because she loves us individually... very much.

Thank You from all of us... Joseph, Kasi, Kali and Kaitlyn
We love you too
Happy Mothers Day!

My sweet family. I would estimate that this picture is about 14 or 15 years old. The only thing I HATE about it is Joseph isn't in it :(

poem/story/write something/or whatever #2

Mothers are pretty
Mothers are nice
Mothers are really really sweet and pretty

Yep, that was it. That's what I sent my dad. I couldn't do it. I've been sitting here for an hour and I literally can NOT do it.
Ok, so goodnight. And happy mothers day to my mother only!

I look forward to summer as a time to s-l-e-e-p, work and now has it, watch seinfield ;) I got hold of three seasons and have rewatched this one... a lot of times.

The Lord helps the Infertile

I'm not a mother, of course not. I do know that I already have a desire to be one someday. It is very interesting to me that I, someone who is very far off from having a child, already has a desire for one in the future. I only bring this to attention for the purpose of magnifying how strong that desire must be in a women who is actually ready to bear children.

Naturally, the inability to have babies is not what I am concerned for. Although, I am going to use this as an example to nudge some of the feelings we all have, even men (I think?). 

There's a woman. Season one has come and the wedding is over. Now, the only desire in her is to love the man she married by making a family. That's who she is, that is her purpose. That is her future. She has been a mother, even without a child. With the highest of hopes she rejoices in the fact that THIS IS HER SEASON. At the very peek of the excitement, she begins to plan for a baby. Yet, after four or five months of trying, she begins to fall down the peek. She goes to the doctor to find out, she in infertile.

The failure to conceive makes her doubt everything (everything). Completely lost and heartbroken. Horribly, terribly heartbroken.

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Although some of my personal holding promises are not for a child, I feel as though some of them could slightly compare. I was reading on infertility in Genesis, where Sarah, Rebekah, and Rachel, suffer from bareness. I felt connected to the topic when I read Rachel heart for the first time tonight...

Genesis 30:1 When Rachel saw that she bare Jacob no children, she said to Jacob, Give me children, or else I die.

Or else I die. That prayer seems too familiar. I've talked with God like that, I have pleaded with Him on the behalf of a greater need, more than just a want. I've listened to my mothers prayers for greater faith early in the mornings and late at nights (GOD BLESS HER). And the only thing I've ever heard God say to me is, "I hear you."

A deeper want has still always been there.

I never stop wanting.

And not once do I just relax.

I truly believe my God will be faithful to me. But for the past couple of months I have been asking myself if I was like Sarah. Will I be left to struggle until I am 99 years old?

The Lord talks so plainly in perfect moments. Actually, it's just straight out incredible. Tonight, on my thirty minute drive home from work, I received the same nudge deep in my heart."He hears my prayers"

God answered my prayers by telling me "I hear your prayers" Isn't that unfortunate? Although tonight, it was satisfying. I decided I had to grasp a hold of that or else I would be literally tortured by my emotions. I think the ultimate lesson is that faith and obedience is huge, of course, but mainly Joy.  Having the Joy of the Lord before the promise will make the promise even greater and the process actually bearable.

You know, I don't know if Sarah was tortured until she held her child. Did she suffer for 99 years? I hope she didn't. She did try to answer her own prayers by having Ishmael. I think we do this in our doubt, in our pain for wanting something for that moment. I kept questioning why God kept Sarah waiting for such a long time?...to prove he is faithful? Well ya, but she suffered for so long.

Here is what I have concluded... God promised her a nation, not a specific time nor age, a nation.

Genesis 17:16 I will bless her, and give thee a son also of her: yea I will bless her, and she will be a mother of nations, kings of people shall be of her.

And because I know the character of God, I know he did not call her to suffer for 99 years.  He called her to rest in Him, to know His will, and to be happy about it. I do believe that God's timing is so divine and way more perfect than ours will ever be. It's not God's will for us to suffer while we wait, it's God's will for us to hold on to the promises he has given us with great joy. I really do think He offers that fulfilling joy for us.

I place my future and joy in His hands. I will not let infertility take hold of my joy. EVEN IF I AM INFERTILE UNTIL I AM 99 YEARS OLD. He is the God that makes things happen. I serve the God that gave Isaac to Sarah, Esau and Jacob (TWINS) to Rebekah, and Joseph to Rachel.

I take hold of the Lords promises and no matter the circumstances I will rest in the fact that He is the God of trust. The God that remembers me...

Genesis 30:22 And the Lord remembered Rachel, and she conceived
Genesis 21:20 And The Lord remembered Sarah, and she conceived
Genesis 25:21 And Rebekah, his wife, conceived.

The Black Keys